Biker Babe

Well it wasn’t bad ass bikers, or even teens on trikes, just middle age madness on mopeds!

Isla Mujeres Mexico two middle age folks decide to brave the streets, after strapping the obligatory red helmets on the attendant gives me the 10 second class. The locations of stuff that really didn’t matter, ignition, brakes, lights, turn signals, you know dumb stuff until he got to the horn… muy importante..

So after strapping my biker babe on the back (unfortunately they didn’t rent chaps, I thought she would look good in chaps and her bikini) we decided to head out. Now the attendant was watching as we pulled away so I thought to give him the impression we knew what we were doing I would just floor it. Now we shoot away from the curb, causing my biker babe to lean back grabbing my head for support, I was now staring straight up into the sky and running full throttle down the road. Biker babe was doing her best to try and climb all of her butt back on the moped by pulling on my head. I was trying my best not to fall off by gripping the throttle, which was still in the wide open position and attempt to bring my head into an attitude where I could actually see where we were going. I finally managed to bring my head down and pry biker babes left hand out of my left eye socket and her right hand out of my mouth to assume the more casual biker couple position of arms around my waist. By now we had the squirrels screaming and had attained a speed of 50….. Kilometers that is, however a speed bump had snuck up on us and we hit it hard, this had the effect of launching biker babe back into the previous position hence snapping my head back once again staring at the sky. At this point we were out of sight of the rental store so stopping to rearrange seemed like a good idea.

We coasted to a stop and shut down attempting to look cool, we adjusted ourselves tightened the chin strap on the helmets and climbed back on our hog, well maybe hog is a little much, maybe Piglet would be a better term for this fine machine. Feeling like I should be sporting a Harley tattoo that says ride free or die I casually hit the start button only to scare the crap out of us as it was really the horn, thinking that couldn’t be right I hit the button again a loud pathetic beep came from the piglet. Now people were starting to stare and we were starting to look like geeks! I know it’s not cool but I removed my shades and put my cheaters on to see if the key was in the right spot, after fussing with it for five minutes thinking we were going to have to push the piglet back to the rental shop I held the front break and hit the starter vroom all 10 squirrels roared to life.. We were once again looking cool, biker babe and I were off down the highway. Cruising down island with the Caribbean as a backdrop was way cool. We started thinking that maybe we should get serious and think about getting a bigger machine to do some real biker stuff when we noticed a large black cloud heading our way. Now 50 kilometers may not seem like high speed but when you hit a rain squall it takes about 5 seconds to become totally soaked, we had gone from totally cool to really cold. However the good thing about the tropics is things dry very quickly. However biker babe looked pretty good after getting soaked and blasting along in the wind, you might say she was kinda perky!!

Well we parked the piglet and stopped for sodas at a road side café, strode in with my best James Dean swagger, thought about asking for milk in a dirty glass but thought some of it would be lost in the translation to Spanish ( my Spanish still needs work). After sipping sodas and waiting for another rain squall to pass we headed out for the south end of the island to visit the Mayan temple ruins. We were both in sync now leaning into the corners and came flying into the dirt parking lot at the ruins, trying very quickly to remember which break was the rear, I gave up and jammed them both on, we slid thru the dirt and stopped just shy of the bike rack. I flipped the key off and yanked back on piglet to set the kickstand. Biker babe pulled off her helmet and didn’t appreciate my chuckle at her flat hair ! We walked out to the rock pile that passed for the ruins, purchased an ice cream, waited again for one more rain shower and fired up the piglet. By now we had a handle on looking cool pulling away and even kicked up some dirt and gravel. I really do think were ready for the hog, we cruised the east side of the island blowing past golf carts like they were doing 15 kph (ok so they were) riding with the wind on you face was cool until a bug hit one of my teeth. I’m here to tell you fly guts don’t taste good. We stopped once again after reaching the north end beaches parking the piglet right on the sand took a few pics, I convinced biker babe that all babes on bikes had to expose themselves for a picture if they were real biker babes. Being a good sport she flashed me the goods and giggled until she heard the guy just out of her vision say something. A hasty retreat was made from the sand, Ok well maybe it wasn’t quite that hasty as piglet didn’t want to really go thru the sand and I had to drag it back to the pavement. We completed our circumnavigation of Isla Mujeres 10 mins later and returned our piglet to the rental agency.. When we get home I think we’re going to check out the local Harley dealer… Maybe buy biker babe a pair of chaps, you know so she can break em in before we spend all that money on a hog……….

Remember always wear a helmet as riding piglets could be dangerous to your health ….on the other hand it was a hell of a lot of fun..

Rob & Linda AKA Biker babe S/V Cat’n About